Wednesday, January 6, 2010

An Apology for The Previous Apology

To Whom It May Concern:

In the previous post, we actually used the word "cad". We regret the use of this word and will personally insist that it never appear on this website again (well, never again after it appeared at the start of this apology). In addition, we can assure you that the 5 fact-checkers that allowed this word to appear have been fired and have had their legs broken. Rest assured that we will never again permit the word "cad" to appear on this blog, even in the event of an emergency.

Damn. There it is again. Time to fire another 7 fact-checkers. And eat their thyroids.



A Correction and Apology to All of Our Valued Readers, and Even to Our Readers That We Don't Care Two Bits About

Sirs (and various other women who might accidentally find themselves viewing this website):

We regret to inform you that, in the course of a post during the month of December, a quote was incorrectly attributed to Winston Churchill. The quote, of course, was the immortal line, "I'll be rich, I tells ya! Rich!". As even the lowest performing second-grader (and, here, we're talking about the one who sits in the back of the room, picking his nose and wiping it under the desk while quietly cursing under his breath) knows, this quote was not uttered by the great Winston Churchill, even when sober, but was instead a line from a play by the underachieving writer/philosopher/general cad Franz "Leghorn" Kafka. The correct Winston Churchill quote, and the one that directly applies to the post in question, is, obviously, "I'd rather have a bottle in fronta me than a frontal lobotomy." We regret the error and swear on our mother's good name (at least as it stood prior to her New Years Eve solicitation arrest) that incorrect information has never appeared on this blog before or since, so please quit your whining. From this point forward, we will employ at great expense seventeen unemployed newspaper fact checkers to verify the accuracy of every single word that dares to rear its ugly syllables in these hallowed pages. We have learned our lesson and will never use quotes in this blog again. Thank you for your patience and kind and loving comments either written in Russian or directing us to links that will make us devastatingly rich. (If we weren't so hopped up on free Viagra and Xanax, we would definitely take you up on these links.)

In addition, we sincerely apologize to the global community and anyone else with a shred of decency and light for all the other content on this blog, including this very post, with the exception of the words "Jennifer Connelly".

And now, in an effort to make amends for our crimes and omissions, here is a picture of a monkey riding on a donkey:


Mgmnt & Friends