Friday, September 26, 2008

Ignorant Education: The Presidents, Part I

So it has been brought to my attention that this blog is frequently used by school children to help with homework, write reports, jump to really quickly to cover up surfing porn, etc., etc., etc. But the problem with this is that the content of this website, in addition to being questionable, is primarily lies backed by falsehoods covered by inaccuracies. This would be acceptable if this was a public school, but it is entirely unacceptable for a blog. The Internets has a reputation for truthfulness and honesty. I mean, it's not like just anyone can post on Wikipedia, or that that Czech supermodel you've been chatting with is really a 50 year old lawn service employee in New Jersey with one hand on his keyboard and the other down his pants. No, the Internets is a collection of expertly researched, strategically organized examples of stellar writing and focused research, and here we at the Frog Blog just post crap willy-nilly with no regard for the black eye it may cause the Internets. For this, we sincerely apologize, from the depths of our shriveled, blackened hearts. We also apologize for our cracks about penguins. That wasn't nice, and we have grown since then. However, we do not apologize for cracks about Katherine Heigl. She may have some people fooled into thinking she is hot, but we know the truth. Good skin and blond hair does not mask the fact that she is really a dolphin. Look at those side-of-the-head dolphin eyes. That couldn't be done on porpoise. And, what's up with that last name? Buy a vowel already.

Anyhow, that brings us to the educational portion of this blog. In penitence for our transgressions against honesty and integrity, we have agreed to begin posting educational content between our usual ignorant movie reviews. Seeing as how some people on TV keep blabbing about Presidents for some reason, we figured it would be a good time to start a series of presidential profiles. Starting tonight, we will begin a series of educational, informational fact sheets about all 76 American Presidents (and a few of their wives and girlfriends). So here you go, kids. No need to worry about homework- just cut and paste this junk into Word and print it out and, as the French would say, viola! Instant report! No need to pay that nerdy kid with glasses to write the thing for you (even if you do beat him up after school to get your money back). Just plagiarize this garbage and jump straight to the wedgies and swirlies.

To begin our series of Presidential Fact Sheets, we have chosen some of our most popular presidents, the Big 5 (as we in the industry call them) that appeared on Mt. Rushmore. It is always amazing that people can deny the Hand of God when something as amazing as Mt. Rushmore can appear in the middle of someplace as hellish as South Carolina. Or is it South Korea? Anyhow, only God can make mountains, and only an even bigger God can make them in the shape of American Presidents.

So, in summary, suck it, Japan! You think you are so smart, eh? Well, your president must look like some kind of anteater or a dustbuster, because all you have is Mt. Fuji. Americans, on the other hand, have a huge God who loves our presidents so much He zapped a mountain into place in the shape of their faces. See who's failing to educate their children now, Japan!

George Washington

Jobs: 1st President, Tree Service Supervisor, Teeth Model
Nicknames: Ol' Buckethead, Ol' Creakyknees, Ol' Dragon Breath, His Royal Fartness, D.C., John Adams
Value: $1.25
Favorite Color: Plaid
Favorite Book: Chicken Soup for the PreTeen Soul
Important Accomplishments: Created America, Killed Witches, Named the Mississippi, Licked Alexander Hamilton's Wig, Drank the Delaware River, Hands Out Autographed Dollar Bills to Fans
Famous Quote: "Hey, baby, wanna try and erect the Washington Monument?"
Little Known Fact: Also had a wooden leg, a wooden elbow, and a wooden plate in his head
Hidden Talent: Playing the Spoons
Most Likely To: Spit Like a Llama
If He Were Alive Today, He Would Be: Ill-tempered
Current Status: Dead

Thomas Jefferson

Jobs: 3rd or 4th President (One or the other), Dry-cleaner,

Nicknames: Smartass, Qui-Gon Jinn, Father of Our Country (Literally, with the paternity tests to prove it)
Value: $2.05
Favorite Color: Chartreuse
Favorite Book: Who Moved My Cheese?
Important Accomplishments: Bought Louisiana from the French while leaving them with France, Cracked the Liberty Bell and blamed it on that stupid John Hancock, Freed Sally Hemings- to come into his bedroom, that is!, Moved on up
Famous Quote: "Hey, baby, wanna see the Declaration of In-ta-my-pants?"
Little Known Fact: Was a notorious bad tipper
Hidden Talent: Macrame
Most Likely To: Hold these truths self-evident
If He Were Alive Today, He Would Be: Really annoying
Current Status: Still living, hiding in Argentina

Benjamin Franklin

Jobs: 7th or 8th or 9th President, Electrical Conductor, Snake Cutter
Nicknames: Poor Richard, Poorer Dick, Mr. Funbags, L'oeuff grande
Value: $100.00
Favorite Color: Turkey
Favorite Book: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Important Accomplishments: Invented lightening, Invented X-ray specs, Invented paper, Invented the car, Invented the day planner, Invented gravy, Walked around Philadelphia talking in a fake accent and creeping people out
Famous Quote: "Dude! That lightening shit is da bomb!"
Little Known Fact: Was not only a member of Hair Club for Men, but was the OWNER
Hidden Talent: Stuffing cats in his pants
Most Likely To: Rupture a hernia and bleed out
If He Were Alive Today, He Would Be: Starring in a remake of "Cannonball Run"
Current Status: Living Dead

John Quincy Adams

Jobs: 7th or 8th or 9th President, whichever one Benjamin Franklin wasn't, Dog-trainer, Horse Whisperer, All-about Cad

Nicknames: Quince, Quince-man, Quincerino, the Q, Pruneface, Whizzlehergerberg, Anthony Hopkins
Value: $o
Favorite Color: Heliotrope
Favorite Book: Green Eggs and Ham
Important Accomplishments: Made it through school with the name "Quincy", named the state of Quincetucky after himself (later changed to Kansas), found the creamy filling in Dolly Madison's treats, invented Beanie Babies but didn't keep up the patent, Acted as the country's first medical examiner, Was blinded with science

Little Known Fact: Was the inspiration for the Terminator cyborg in the Terminator films
Hidden Talent: None

Most Likely To: Be Mistaken for James Monroe

If He Were Alive Today, He Would Be: Trying to sell you insurance

Current Status: Unknown

Abraham Lincoln

Jobs: 15th or 16th President, Real-estate salesman, Pro Basketball Player (Canadian League)

Nicknames: Mr. Mary Todd Lincoln, Pork n' Beans, Long Hat, Honest Abe (until he entered politics), Winkin' Blinkin' Lincoln
Value: $5.01
Favorite Color: Black

Favorite Book: Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret

Important Accomplishments: Filled the empty space opposite George Washington above the chalkboard, Was the original moody "Goth", Wrote over 700 songs, including "Moon River", "Indian Love Call", and "Horse With No Name", and ONLY SAVED THE FREAKIN' COUNTRY FROM DESTROYING ITSELF, YOU STUPID FOOL!!! And could eat glass.

Famous Quote: "Hey, baby, meet me in the Lincoln Bedroom."

Little Known Fact: Didn't know the Gettysburg Address without looking it up in the phone book
Hidden Talent: Weeping

Most Likely To: Dislike live theater

If He Were Alive Today, He Would Be: Screaming and clawing at the inside of his casket

Current Status: Performing at Disneyland

Questions for Reflection

1. What makes a great president? Why haven't we had any?

2. Which of the current presidential candidates was more likely as a child to have met Abraham Lincoln?

3. What's so bad about Chester Arthur?

4. Did George Washington really sleep here? Discuss.

5. If a new face was added to Mt. Rushmore, should it be another dumb president, or should it be someone way more cool, like an actor or a football player?

6. Seriously, what is up with Benjamin Franklin's eyes?

7. Did you know that you can rearrange the letters in "George Washington" to spell "Who Negates Gringo"? Also "Agree Owning Thongs"? Also "A Greenish Gown Got"? Also"A Estrogen Hog Wing"? What does all this mean?!

8. Name 10 things you could have been doing that could have made America a better place during the time it took you to read this blog. Reread your list and feel guilty about it.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Reviews of the Ignorant: Financial Disaster Edition

Ok, so as banks disintegrate around us like the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi and my house is now valued at approximately two cans of green beans (generic, at that) and fifty-two ketchup packets and people begin to wipe their butts with dollar bills because the toilet paper is worth too much, I began to think about money. Considering that I am rapidly approaching middle-age, it may be too late to begin to think about money, but, since so much of our money is gonna be used to prop up banks that wouldn't have given me and you loans even when they were loaning it out to hobos, I couldn't help to think about it. Plus, the TV told me to think about it. And we should always do what the TV says to do (unless it starts telling you to kill your bail bondsman- some of us had to learn the hard way that even the TV can lie about things like that). Well, it didn't take me too long to think about all the money I had (estimated at $24.17), so then I began to think about other people's money. It was about this time that my wife started screaming, telling me to stop thinking about other people's money and go make some of my own so that we don't have to eat Ramen noodles for the 8th night in a row. Well, you know, it's like I always tell her, priorities, baby. Some of us are doers, some of us are thinkers, and some of us just think about doo. And I put myself squishily in the last category.

Anyhow, seeing all the portfolio decreasing turmoil and asset plunging tumult going on in the financial industry doesn't worry me too much; to be part of the financial industry requires two things I don't have- finances and industry- and I don't have those in spades. Or clubs. Or hearts. So I stand to be less hard hit than some by the Greater Depression that seems to be developing. In fact, I actually owe my bank $57 in NSF fees, so if it goes under, I actually stand to make a profit. (Take that, Mr. Financial Planner! You laughed when I told you my retirement planning consisted of buying scratch-off lottery tickets, but who's laughing now, eh, Mr. MBA-hole?) Which brings me to the biggest box-office bombs of all times. Now, by using both the scientific and the rhythm method, I have come to the academic conclusion that these films bombed because no one saw them. And, when I say no one, I am including myself. Since the mission of this blog is to review films I have never seen and to express opinions about things which I have no knowledge, these cinematic turkeys are perfect for posting. Without further ado-doo, I bring you brief reviews of the Ten Biggest Money Losing Films of All Times That I Have Never Seen Based on Total Loss of Accumulated World-Wide Gross (or, as we in the blog business like to call it, TBMLFoATTIHNSBoTLoAWWG for short).

(And, before I go on, a brief note about sources: I found this on some web site on the Internets. I can't remember the web site now, but, honestly, what do you really care? They all look the same anyhow. And, since it was on the Internets, I know it to be true. Unlike the TV, which sometimes says bad things, the Internets is a haven of truth, honesty, beauty, authenticity, and free Viagra. Oh yeah, and porn.)

Numero 10-o: Windtalkers (Loss of over $76 million)

What is this film about? Who knows? No one saw it! My assumption is that it is a lovely coming of age story about boys who meet in the woods and have farting contests. Kinda like "Stand by Me", only sucky. The only kind of talking I would want to hear with this flick is someone talking me out of seeing it. It looks like Nicolas Cage, who makes such good choices in both career and baby names, starred in it. Maybe someone should ask Nicolas Cage (nicely reason to humiliate the guy) to give back all the money he has been paid for every film he was in after 1992 so that the poor execs at AIG can continue to live the lifestyle they have become accustomed to. On second thought, why not just throw the whole bunch of them to the wolves.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Stealing the Ronald McDonald House coin box so you can get a case of Pepsi Maxx on sale at Walmart

Numero Nine-o: The Sound of Thunder (Loss of $77 million)

What the hell is this movie? Has anyone who didn't star in it ever even heard of it? I honestly didn't even think this was a real movie, so I turned to my dedicated research crew (including Lefty and Righty and the IMDB) to even see if it existed. Sure enough, it does. Something about prehistoric times altering the future. To which the only correct response is "Please, Merciful Jesus, make it stop." Sounds way too close to that cinematic turd The Butterfly Effect to me, although, in this case, the effect of the butterfly was definitely financially louder than the sound of thunder. This is not so much a movie as a philosophical puzzle: If The Sound of Thunder is made and nobody is around to see or hear it, does it make a sound? Starring a cast of nobody supported by Sir Ben Kingsley, the other question raised by this film is what in the name of blue-blazing hell did the filmmakers spend over $77 million dollars on? My assumption would be cocaine, because there is no way it went into the movie.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Cashing out your 401K to buy a used Nintendo DS

Numero Eight-o: The Alamo (Loss of over $80 million)

Remember it? No thanks. Jason Patrick stars as David Bowie, Dennis Quaid is Ziggy Stardust, Billy Bob Thornton is Crockett and Patrick Wilson is Tubbs. When it comes to filmed representations of the Alamo, I prefer the one where OJ Simpson runs through the airport. Those commercials were a cut above the rest, just bleeding comedy; in fact, you would never know where they would be headed.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Moving Your Retirement Fund into Enron Stock

Numero Seven-ito: Sahara (Loss of over $84 million)

So I assumed this was the same thing as Ishtar, but, apparently, its not. Starring Matthew McConaughey on the bongos and Penelope Cruz in a tank-top (So it's not Jennifer Connelly, but its a definite positive in a film so negative it makes my savings account look like a good investment), this is a heart-warming nature film, showing the harsh survival of many organisms as well as William H. Macy in the roughest climates of the world. Of course, no matter how distracted the audience may be by Ms. Cruz's tank top, we'll soon realize it is a mirage, an oasis in a sandstorm. This film may also be known for its controversial staged scenes of mass lemming death. Since real lemmings do not plunge to their deaths (and, although I am no Marlin Perkins- heck, I'm not even Perkins Pancakes- I also don't think lemmings are native to the desert. Of course, the last time I was in the desert, I was so whacked out on peyote that a group of cacti started singing to me and I married a coyote at a Vegas Wedding chapel, so there may have been lemmings there; I just may have thought they were Cocker Spaniels)...Where was I? Oh, yeah- since real lemmings do not plunge to their deaths in mass suicide, the scenes in this film that depict this were later revealed to be staged, nothing more than Matthew McConaughey throwing slippers at the crew.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Putting Your Kid's College Fund on Fay's Bray to Win

Numero- Six-o: Evan Almighty (Loss of over $88 million)

Almighty crappy, alright. This film so angered God that he smite it's box office grosses and issued His 3 Commandments of Bad Films: I. Thou Shalt Not Waste Time on This Garbage, II. Thou Shalt Forgive Morgan Freeman, for he knows not what he hath done, and he was in The Shawshank Redemption not to mention "The Electric Company", so cut him some slack already and III. Thou Shalt Not Laugh At Poop Jokes In A PG-13 Rated Movie. Would I recommend this junk? Noah way.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Adding the Church of Scientology on your joint checking account

Numero Five-o: The 13th Warrior (Loss of over $94 million)

Nope, didn't see the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, or 12th Warrior, how can I be expected to jump right in at #13? Starring Antonio Badass as Anton Chigurh, this film proves its luck by actually making only $13.00 (Antonio took Melanie Griffith for a date at a $6.50 Sunday Matinee). What's it about? 12 warriors find a girl in the woods, then bring her back to their cottage, where an evil queen disguises herself as an old woman and poisons the girl and the warriors with an apple. It's up to the littlest warrior, #13, to kiss all 12 warriors and the girl in order to save them from eternal sleep. The movie was brought to a standstill when Warrior 13 got to Warrior 8 and proceed to sloppily make out with him for the next seventy minutes, totally forgetting Warriors 1-7 as well as the girl. What does it matter? It doesn't. It sucks.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Trading your cramped little Prius for a roomy Hummer

Numero Four-o: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (Loss of over $95 million)

Ok, now, don't be ridiculous. This is a family blog, so I can't really go into details on this one. Needless to say, you can order it yourself from On Demand Channel 504 for $11.99, or download it as a double-feature with "A Night In Paris". Pervert.

My Financial Disaster Rating: Investing in anything Internet related that doesn't have the name "Google" somewhere connected to it (Of course, this blog is hosted on Blogspot, which is a Google company, which means you are sure to become a multi-bazillionaire by sending me money at the email address listed in my profile. Seriously. And pass it on to 10 of your friends to send me money, too. In fact, if you don't, Jesus will come to your house and break your arms.)

Numero Three-o: The Adventures of Pluto Nash (Loss of Over $96 million)

With a great title like that, how could it go wrong! Just reading that title makes me want to rent the that I can break it in half with my bare hands like a ninja protecting the world from evil. That sound you hear is an American Indian crying for the trash that has been made of Eddie Murphy's career. I'm assuming that the plot synopsis goes something like this: Eddie Murphy plays a cartoon dog who buys a classic car and then has a series of comic misadventures while traveling cross-country, ending in him discovering that family is what is truly important in life. Randy Quaid co-stars as Cousin Eddie. As a sequel to the beloved Christmas classic, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, Pluto Nash is running on empty. Anyone who watches this Pluto would have to be Goofy.

My Financial Disaster Rating: EuroDisney!

Numero Duo: Stealth (Loss of over $99 million)

A movie so secret, no one saw it! This pinnacle of puke stars the beauty of Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles (with a decidedly sick attempt at humor as he flies an airplane), No One, and No One Else. It has now become known, through the Freedom of Information Act (Both Acts 1 and 2, as well as the Intermission), that this was not even a movie, but an attempt by the neocons to trick the American public into financing a disastrously expensive, flawed airplane program that, in the end, sent Jaime Foxx's career down in flames somewhere in the mountains of Afghanistan. Tragically, director Rob Cohen survived to direct Mummy, 1-47, including the most recent film, where Brendan Fraiser is actually older than the Mummy. Bombs away!

My Financial Disaster Rating: Investing your life savings in Beanie Babies

And, finally, finally, FINALLY...

Numero Uno: Town & Country (Loss of almost $100 million)

And I told my wife that the leather trim and those alloy-look wheel coversjust weren't worth it, that the Dodge Caravan was just perfectly fine. Oh well, it has to be better than being seen in a Pluto Nash.

My Financial Disaster Rating: A Third Term for George W. Bush

Well, that concludes my reviews of the Top 10 Money Losing Films of all times based on total dollar loss. Now I guess I had better go see what my wife has been screaming about. I mean, how else was I supposed to finish this blog post if I didn't call off work? She really needs to understand what is important in life. It's not like the electric bill is past due or that...what, honey? What? It is past due, and there are guys out back turning it off right now? Oh sh

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Comes in, because, the international hearing tries to occupy*

So I have noticed that our readership has recent decreased from 1 to 0. Even with my limited public education math skills, I know that this is a decrease of 100%, and 100% is quite a lot. In fact, I never thought that my blog would have 100% anything, at least not without cheating off of the blog next to it (and, considering that the blog next to it is 'Hot Asian Cuties', I don't know that cheating off of it is necessarily a good idea- like cheating off of the stoner in the back row who shows up once a quarter just because he got so stoned, he forgot to run when the truant officer came knocking). So, basically, 100% is a lot. So, after consulting with a panel of experts (including such well respected individuals as myself and my dog; my wife was at the grocery store at the time and, therefore, forfeited her vote, as well as any consulting fee), I decided that this 100% drop was not based on the fact that nothing new has been posted here since April, but more so because, despite the best effort of Google to translate this thing, the Frog Blog just doesn't appeal to the international audience. Therefore, in a cheap attempt at attracting more traffic to this dusty space, I will now post this paragraph in numerous languages, a virtual tour of the International Internets, or, as the French would say, "autour de mon épouse". At least, that's what my translating program says is "around the world". With no further ado, I now turn the Frog Blog into the UN of film criticism, where Jennifer Connelly acts as Secretary General and never a star is given.

First, Spanish:

He notado tan que nuestro número total de lectores tiene reciente disminuido a partir de la 1 a 0. Incluso con mis habilidades limitadas de la matemáticas de la enseñanza pública, sé que ésta es una disminución de 100%, y 100% estoy bastante. De hecho, nunca pensé que mi blog tendría 100% cualquier cosa, por lo menos no sin el engaño apagado del blog al lado de él (y, considerando que el blog al lado de él es ' Asiático caliente Cuties' , I don' t sabe que el engaño apagado de él es necesariamente una buena idea como el engaño apagado de la deshuesadora en la fila trasera que aparece una vez un cuarto apenas porque él consiguió así que empedró, él olvidó funcionar cuando vino el oficial del truant golpeando). Así pues, básicamente, 100% está mucho. Así pues, después de consultar con un grupo de expertos (tales incluyendo pozo - individuos respetados como mismo y mi perro; mi esposa estaba en el colmado en ese entonces y, por lo tanto, perdido su voto, así como cualquier honorario asesor), decidía que esta gota del 100% no fue basada en el hecho que nada nuevo se ha fijado aquí desde abril, pero más tan porque, a pesar de el mejor esfuerzo de Google para traducir esta cosa, el blog apenas doesn' de la rana; súplica de t a la audiencia internacional. Por lo tanto, en una tentativa barata en la atracción de más tráfico a este espacio polvoriento, ahora fijaré este párrafo en idiomas numerosas, un viaje virtual de los Internet internacionales, o, como el francés diría, " épouse" de autour de lunes;. O, por lo menos, that' s qué mi programa que traduce dice es " en todo el mundo ". Sin dificultad adicional, ahora doy vuelta al blog de la rana en la O.N.U de las críticas de la película, donde actúa Jennifer Connelly mientras que nunca dan el secretario general y una estrella.

Now, with a few clicks of my mouse, let us invite our French cousins to break baguette with us by translating the above paragraph into French:

J'ai remarqué tellement que notre nombre total de lecteurs a handicapé récent à partir de la 1 à à 0. Même avec mes habilités limitées de de ce qui est mathématiques de l'enseignement public, je sais que celle-ci est une diminution de de 100%, et 100% je suis assez. De fait, je n'ai jamais pensé que mon blog aurait 100% toute chose, au moins non sans la tromperie éteinte du blog à côté de lui (et, en considérant que le blog à côté de lui est ' ; Asiatique il réchauffe Cuties' ; , I don' ; t sait que la tromperie éteinte de de lui est nécessairement une bonne idée comme la tromperie éteinte du dénoyauteur dans la file arrière qui apparaît une fois une place à peine parce qu'il a obtenu ainsi qu'empedró, il a oublié fonctionner quand est venu le fonctionnaire du truant frapper). Par conséquent, principalement, 100% est beaucoup. Par conséquent, après avoir consulté un groupe d'experts (tels en incluant puits - individus respectés comme même et mon chien ; mon conjoint était dans celui comblé dans celui-là alors et, par conséquent, perdu son vote, ainsi que tous honoraires consultatifs), décidaient que cette baisse de de 100% n'a pas été basée le fait qui nage nouveau s'est ici fixé depuis avril, mais plus tellement parce que, malgré le meilleur effort de Google pour traduire cette chose, le blog à peine doesn' ; de la grenouille ; requ7te de t à l'audition internationale. Par conséquent, dans une tentative bon marché dans l'attraction de davantage de trafic à cet espace poussiéreux, je fixerai maintenant ce paragraphe dans des langues nombreuses, un voyage virtuel de l'Internet internationaux, ou, comme le français il dirait, " ; épouse" ; d'autour de lundi ;. OU, au moins, that' ; s ce que mon programme qu'il traduit dit est " ; partout dans le monde " ;. Sans difficulté additionnelle, je donne maintenant retour au blog de la grenouille dans l'O.N.U des critiques du film, où agit Jennifer Connelly tandis que ne donnent jamais le secrétaire général et une étoile.

In the interest of world peace, as well as desperation for blog hits, let us now try Russian:

J' замечено так много что наш полный число читателей имеет недавнюю с ограниченными возможностями персону от 1 с до 0. Даже при мои способности ограничиваемые что математически l' государственное образование, я знаю что это одно уменьшение 100%, и 100% я достаточно. В действительности, I n' всегда подумал что мой блог будет иметь 100% любая вещь, хотя бы не без потухшего очковтирательства блога около его (и, путем рассмотрение что блог около его ' ; Азиат он нагрюет Cuties' ; , I don' ; T знает что потухшее очковтирательство к ему обязательно хорошая идея как потухшее очковтирательство denoyautor в комплекте предшествующих номеров который появляется parce qu' места раз едва ли; он получил qu' таким образом; empedró, он забыл действовать когда пришел государственный служащий от truant, котор нужно поразить). Следовательно, главным образом, 100% много. Следовательно, позже советующ с d' группа; специалисты (такие путем включать наилучшим образом - индивидуалов уважаемых как такие же и моя собака; мое супруг находилось в том заполненном внутри что одно после этого и впоследствии потеряло свой вотум, как все комиссионные за консультацию и совет), решило что это падение 100% n' факт не был основан который плавает новое s' фиксирует здесь с Эйприл, но так много потому что, несмотря на самое лучшее усилие Google перевести эту вещь, блог едва ли doesn' ; лягушка; requ7te t к l' международный слух. Следовательно, в дешевой попытке в l' привлекательность больше движения к этому пылевоздушному космосу, я теперь зафиксирую этот параграф в много языков, фактически рейс l' International интернета, или, как франчуз оно сказал бы, " ; épouse" ; d' вокруг понедельник;. ИЛИ, хотя бы, that' ; S что моя программа qu' оно переводит как " ; везде в мире " ;. Без дополнительного затруднения, я теперь даю для того чтобы возвратить к лягушке блога в l' O.N.U критиков пленки, где Дженнифер Connelly действует пока никогда не давайте генеральный секретарь и звезду.

Now, although they started two (count 'em) World Wars, we can still offer to lift a stein to our German brothers and sisters:

J' beachtet soviel, dass unser komplettes die Zahl Lesern neues mit der begrenzten Möglichkeitperson von 1 s bis 0. sogar mit meinen Fähigkeiten hat, begrenzte das mathematisch von l' Unterrichtswesen, weiß ich, dass diese eine Abnahme um 100% und 100% ich genügend sind. In der Wirklichkeit I n' dachte immer, dass mein [Blog] 100% jede mögliche Sache hat, mindestens nicht ohne ausgestorbenen Betrug [bloga] nahe ihm (und, durch Weise die Prüfung der von [Blog] nahe seinem ' ; Asiatisch es [nagryuet] Cuties' ; , I don' ; T kennt diesen ausgestorbenen Betrug zu ihm obligatorisch eine gute Idee als ausgestorbener Betrug von denoyautor im kompletten Satz der vorhergehenden Zahlen, die er parce von qu' aussieht; der Ort von Zeiten kaum; er erreichte qu' so; empedró, vergaß er, als zu fungieren es Zivilmittel vom Truant ankam, es war, welches notwendige zu schlagen). Infolgedessen 100% hauptsächlich ist es viel. Infolgedessen ist es später als [sovetuyushch] von d' Gruppe; Fachleute (so durch Weise, auf die beste Art einzuschließen - Einzelpersonen respektiert als die selben und mein Hund; mein Ehemann war in dem gefülltes Innere, das eins, nachdem dieses und nachher verloren seiner Abstimmung, als alle Beratungsgebühr), dass dieser Tropfen 100% n' löste; Tatsache basierte nicht, der es neues s' schwimmt; sie regelt hier mit April, aber also ist viel weil, trotz der Bemühung von Google besser, diese Sache kaum zu bringen, [Blog] doesn' ; Frosch; requ7te t bis l' internationales Gerücht. Infolgedessen im preiswerten Versuch in l' Reiz ist mehr, als Bewegung zu diesem staubigen Raum, ich jetzt diesen Punkt in viele Sprachen, wirklich die Reise von l' regelt; International des Internets oder als [franchuz] es würde, " sagen; ; épouse" ; d' ganz um Montag;. ODER mindestens that' ; S dieses mein Programm von qu' es bringt als " ; überall im Welt" ;. Ohne die zusätzliche Schwierigkeit gebe ich jetzt, um zum Frosch von [bloga] in l' zurückzukommen; O.N.U der Kritiker des Filmes, in dem durch Jennifer Connelly Taten bis jetzt nie Generalsekretärstern geben.

And since, I'm sure, very shortly, they will probably own this blog, or at least be producing a knock-off version of it, we, like the Olympics, will face east to our Chinese friends:

J' 著名一样我們的有完全數字讀者新以從1 s的有限的可能性人到0。甚而與我的能力的事實從l'數學上限制了; 我知道教育這些在100%和100% I.附近是充足的減退。 在現實中我n' 總是認為我[博克] 100%有每件可能的事,不至少,不用成為的绝種欺騙[bloga]關閉它(和,由方式[博克]關閉的考試它的' ; 亞洲人它[nagryuet] Cuties' ; I don' ; T知道這成為绝種欺騙對它必須一個好想法作为denoyautor成為的绝種欺騙在先的數字的完整集的,他qu' parce; 看; 堅硬时期地方; 它到達了qu' 如此; empedró,他,起作用它何時到達了玩忽職守者的民用手段,忘記它是觸擊,必要)。 结果100%主要是它。 结果從d'比[sovetuyushch];; 小組; 專家(如此由方式包括在最佳的種類-作為同樣和我的狗的個體尊敬; 我的丈夫是由于作為這下落100% n'的所有咨询费被填裝裡面,團結,在和它之後失去了這它的选票之後); 解決; 事實未根據,那它新的s' 游泳; 它調控這裡與4月,但是因而是,因為,儘管googles努力更好,這件事幾乎不帶來, [博克] doesn' ; 青蛙; requ7te t到l' 國際謠言。 结果在l'的低廉嘗試; 吸引力比對這個多灰塵的區域的運動現在是更多, I這點入許多語言,真正地旅途l' 調控; 國際互聯網或作为[franchuz]它,一" 說; ; épouse" ; d' 完全地在星期一附近;。 或者至少that' ; qu'這個我的節目S; 它帶來作為" ; 到處在Welt" ;。 沒有另外的困難我給,現在青蛙[bloga]在l' 返回; 影片的評論家的O.N.U,由詹尼弗・ Connelly行動到現在不要給秘書長星。

And, finally, since it is always good to come back home again, we'll jam that paragraph through one more translation, back to English:

J' Renowned we have the complete digital reader equally newly by from 1 s limited possible person to 0. Even and my ability fact from l' In mathematics limited; I knew that educates these nearby 100% and 100% I. is the sufficient decrease. In reality my n' Always thought that I [Bork] 100% have each possible matter, not at least, does not need into to become extinct deceives [bloga] to close it (and, [Bork] closes by the way takes a test its ' ; Asian it [nagryuet] Cuties' ; I don' ; T knew that this becomes becomes extinct the deceit to a good idea become to it as denoyautor becomes extinct the deceit in the first digital complete collection, his qu' parce; Looking at; Hard time place; It arrived at qu' So; empedró, did he, when have an effect it to arrive at the being derelict civil method, forgot that it was strikes, necessity). The result 100% are mainly it. Result from d' Compared to [sovetuyushch]; ; Group; The expert (so including - takes same and my dog's individual respect by the way in the best type; My husband is because takes this whereabouts 100% n' Inside all consultation spend are filled, unity, in has lost this its ballot afterward after it); Solution; The fact has not acted according to, then its new s' Swimming; It regulates here with April, but therefore is, because, although googles is diligently better, this matter does not bring nearly, [Bork] doesn' ; Frog; requ7te t to l' International rumor. Result in l' Inexpensive attempt; The attraction compared to this dust's region's movement now is more, I this enters many languages, truly journey l' Regulation; The internet or takes [franchuz] it, " Saying; ; épouse" ; d' Completely nearby Monday; . Or at least that' ; qu' This my program S; It brings takes " ; Everywhere in Welt" ; . Other difficulty I have not given, now frog [bloga] in l' Returns; Movie critic's O.N.U, moves from Jennifer Connelly to the present do not give secretary the comet.

Ah, if that is not poetry existing in international harmony, I don't know what is. It's a small world after all. I think this goes for once and for all to prove the one universal fact: "Jennifer Connelly" in any language, translates as "amazingly gorgeous".

As I always say, "Tuna whacks over spotted orange meat on [Bork Bork]".

Until we meet again in three months or so, arrivederci!

*The title was originally "The entry in which I attempt to appeal to an international audience" translated into Spanish then French then German then back to English then to Chinese then back to English, quite effectively, I might add, if I may say so myself.