Wednesday, December 9, 2009

LOLKomodo Dragonz Will Prevent Suicide or At Least Make You Temporarily Forget How Meaningless and Insignificant Human Existance Really Is!

So, the economy's in the crapper, no one outside of the government has a job (as evidenced by the number of blogs on the Internets), our houses are worth about a can of tuna and two snack-size Snickers bars, Tiger Woods is probably cheating on his wife as I type this, they are making a third "Transformers" movie, there is still no peace in the Middle East, a white death-filled storm has cryogenically preserved the Midwest and East Coast, we are surely only weeks away from a zombie apocalypse, and our children may have to suffer with only one Xbox 360 this year instead of having one for the living room and one for the bedroom, just to allow us to have a small Christmas goose this year (God Bless Us, Every One). What is there to make us happy? What can urge us onward and upward and keep us going when the going gets dark and the tough get their groove on? Where can a person find something inspirational yet "Safe For Work" lurking around the Internets these days? Who can be our knight in green, scaly armour?

Why, it's LOLKomodo Dragonz to the rescue!

Yes, just looking at the hope and optimism in that image makes me burst with joy*. It just screams that, if LOLKomodo Dragonz can do it, so can I! Thank you, LOLKomodo Dragonz! You're our only hope! (And please remember: the above image is available for licensing to use at corporate retreats, motivational seminars, AA meetings, prison and mental hospital common rooms, church basements, fast food drive-thru windows where the "customer per hour" count is not high enough, retail stockrooms, teacher's lounges, charter schools, pediatrician's offices, military recruitment centers, computer screen-savers and anywhere else that depression, despair, and pitch black wishes for quick and painless death are the norm. Simply contact me to arrange transfer of the significantly large and up-front fee.)
Now, as that famous philosopher Robin Williams once said, "Carpe Dicem!", or "Cut The Fish!"
*and, of course, by "burst with joy", I mean "become very wealthy from royalty and product sales and win the love of the beautiful and talented Jennifer Connelly".

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

LOLKomodo Dragonz Take Your Mom's Inbox By STORM!

Thanks to the great response by, absolutely no one to the original LOLKomodo Dragonz, in an effort to keep the momentum building, here is yet another hilarious (and by 'hilarious', I mean grossly photoshopped in a matter of five minutes) LOLKomodo Dragonz making its appearance on the Frog Blog. Just as in the case with the first, this is 100% guaranteed to please every old lady who edits a church bulletin in the U.S. of A., regardless of race, creed, hair color, odor, religious bulletin affiliation, or sexual orientation.
It will literally be only a matter of seconds (possibly nanoseconds) before the publishers swamp this blog with book offers and big checks like they give away at the telethons trying to secure the rights to "LOLKomodo Dragonz- The Bookz", flooding this blog with a deluge of such force and power that the entirety of the Internets may collapse into a black hole of stupid YouTube comments and naked pictures of Tiger Wood's special friends. Enjoy this photo, mouth-breathing web nerds, and prepare to cry when you see me and my Komodo Dragon on the arm of the beautiful and classy Jennifer Connelly at next year's A-komodo-y Awards ceremony.

As the great Winston Churchill once said, "I'll be rich, I tells ya! Rich!"

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Newest Rage: LOLKomodoDragonz!

In a desperate attempt to drive blog traffic to this forsaken and desolate corner of the Internets without actually adding thoughtful and carefully constructed content, I would like to introduce our newest and most original T-shirt friendly source of mirth and hilarity, the LOLKomodoDragonz! Read 'em and laugh, surfing fools:

Great for elementary school classrooms, dorm rooms, and dentist offices, as well as any place else people enjoy laughing at others that can't spell and/or possibly have a learning disability! Publishers, manufacturers of fine gifts, and various media outlets, please leave your contact information and the number that you are willing to pay for the rights to this quality humor, complete with as many zeros as necessary, in the always insightful blog "Comments" section. Nigerian princes and Viagra salesmen need not apply.

If Jennifer Connelly reads this, please laugh and find me funny. Please.