Thursday, July 19, 2007

On the Photographic Art: Obscene Makeover Edition

Ok, so I check George Bush's polls numbers today, and I see that they are instantly .0016% better, and I understand immediately that this is because of the photo I posted yesterday, showing President Bush with a Jennifer Connelly make-over. And, true enough, the power of Jennifer Connelly has made people feel so kindly towards President Bush (and, frighteningly, to also feel sexually attracted to him. Well, not me, of course. But people.) And it suddenly became apparent that the Power of Jenny could be used to make some of the most despised villains in the history of the Earth just a little larger-breasted, and possibly also sexually attractive. To people, of course. But not me.

With that said, I will now Jennisize some of the most horrible creatures to walk the planet.

First up is Ken Lay. Rrrrrawwwl! You can handle my 401K anytime, baby!

Here, we have Idi Amin. Hear me when I say, what's wrong with Ganda? It's missing 'U', honey

And here is one of the most despicable, disgusting beasts to foul the planet. Yet, with a little bit of Jennifer Connelly, and, suddenly, can't you just say, "Hey, Hitler, cut out all that ranting and spitting and let's cuddle!"

If you thought THAT was ugly, check out the chupacabra, the South American "goat-sucker". This, of course, is a scientifically accurate depection of a chupacabra melded with the body of Jennifer Connelly; a chupaconnelly, if you may. Nobody loves a chupacabra (except maybe his mother) with it's razor sharp teeth, horrible odor, and tendancy to gut livestock. Yet, give it the Jenny treatment, and voila! Fit for a Disney cartoon! And S-E-X-Y to boot. Hey, there, goat-sucker, I got something you can suck RIGHT HERE!

Not an ounce of fat-wa here! If Osama bin Laden was a little bit more Jennifer Connelly and a little bit less 'dusty desert nomad', I expect we all could just get along. Hey, Osama! You have a little bit of American in you? Well, doll-face, you want some? Hubba hubba!

And speaking of the Great Satan, here he is himself. Yet, do you think God would have been so quick to cast him out with more Connelly and less brimstone and eternal damnation? Lighten up, Satan, put on a white tank top, and suddenly it's not hot, just 'tropical', and people are being tortured until the end of time, they are 'working on personal growth plans'. From Prince of Darkness to Princess of Power, here is the perfect example of how something as vile as the Snake can be turned into something so cute and cuddly, Hallmark could sell plush of him.

And there you have it. It is incredible what letting a little bit of Jennifer Connelly become part of you will do, even if you are an inhumane monster. It can even make the foulest of men into an object of unbridled lust. For other people, of course. Not for me, though. For other people.

1 comment:

Doug said...

I am totally offended by what you did to Jennifer. Do you like making people cry? Really cry? I can't go on. - grin -